A Day in the Lives of the Freshmen Trio
by SarcasticApathy
Summary: Though the story of Echizen Ryoma continues, the tale of the freshmen trio was lost. Now, it has been found and it's...surprising to say the least.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** Hey, people, this is my second story. Although I wouldn't call it a story so much as a crack fic. This entire fic will be pure crack with very little basis on the Prince of Tennis storyline. There will be a few small details that indicate when said events occurred, but that's it. For those of you who are reading my other running fic Pillars of Support, this will be completely different. Oh, also, the language may be rather extreme. But, since the only issue is language, I'm going to rate this as T. If some of you believe otherwise, please tell me and I'll see what I can do. Anyway, here's Day 1, enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any part of the Prince of Tennis, it all belongs to Konomi Takeshi and any others who hold the legal rights to it.

* * *

**Day 1**

"FUCK! Why the hell is that Echizen so much better than me at tennis?" Horio Satoshi screamed in frustration. "I have two whole fucking years of goddamn experience. I should be able to wipe the floor with that cocky bastard."

"Uh, Horio, two years really isn't much experience when it comes to tennis. Plus, I'll bet Ryoma's played since he was really little," Katou Kachirou replied calmly.

"Yeah, Horio, he probably has. Besides, you don't have any skill whatsoever, so it's a moot point," Mizuno Katsuo added with a sagely nod of his head.

As the three watched, Echizen Ryoma, the boy in question, was tearing one Ibu Shinji apart with super awesome tennis skills.

Horio twitched visibly. This, by itself, wouldn't have been odd. The boy constantly suffered from self-induced seizures, after all. However, after adding the fact that, at the moment, he hated Ryoma with every ounce of his essence, it was not exactly a good thing.

"THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL HIM!" he yelled, pulling out a shotgun.

Kachirou sweatdropped. "Holy shit, dude. Calm the fuck down. It's just tennis."

Horio, however, seemed to be unable to hear him as he waved the firearm around.

"Echizen Ryoma," he announced as loudly and annoyingly as he possibly could, "today you will meet Kami and she will pass sweet judgment over your sins. You will suffer for eternity, and I will rejoice!"

He, then, pointed the gun at the shocked rookie regular. "Kukukuku…I have two years of shotgun firing experience. I can't miss now."

And, thus, that's exactly what he did. He missed.

As he fired the massive gun, Horio flew backward from the recoil. This, naturally, ruined his aim and the bullet sped past his intended target. Said projectile then lodged itself firmly in one Tezuka Kunimitsu's left arm.

"Damn it, you little bitch!" Seigaku's captain screeched in agony. "My arm had finally freaking healed, and you just had to goddamn ruin it."

At the moment, however, these words didn't penetrate Horio's skull. The psychotic freshman was racing toward Ryoma at a surprisingly speedy rate. Once he arrived, Horio jumped on top of the other, unfortunate freshman. After approximately two minutes of strangling, Horio felt his victim's body lie still. He stood.

Echizen Ryoma was dead, and he couldn't be happier!

* * *

Two hours later…

Seigaku was a tomb. A tomb for one very unlucky Horio. Or, at least, it would be once the regulars caught him.

"FUCK YOU, YOU GODDAMN LITTLE BITCHING BASTARD!" Tezuka roared as he furiously searched for the boy. "That kid was going to be this team's freaking pillar of support. Now how the hell will it stay together?"

Inside a nearby closet, Horio wept at his misfortune. "Why the hell does my life suck so freaking much?"

Kachirou sighed in annoyance. "Dude, you killed Ryoma. And, you destroyed our captain's arm. What the fuck did you expect would happen?"

"I don't know," came the quiet reply, "I thought this fic would end before I even fired the gun."

The boy with the bowl-cut growled. "Katsuo, it's time."

The taller boy grinned a murderous grin. He picked Horio up and opened the closet door.

"Hey, you guys, here's the little bastard!" he yelled, attracting the attention of the regulars.

"YOSH! I'm going to punish him for killing O-chibi in cold blood!" Kikumaru Eiji cried in a sick sort of joy.

And, with that, Horio suffered the worst beating of his life. It all stopped, though, when a very not-dead Ryoma walked up.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" he asked, slightly surprised at their behavior.

"WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!" the other eight regulars yelled in confusion.

Tezuka, being the natural leader that he was, continued for the group. "Ryoma, how the fuck are you alive? We all saw Horio strangle you to death."

"What are you—Ohhh…." Ryoma replied, his eyes widening in comprehension. "Yeah, I was late to the finals because I had to help a pregnant lady get to the hospital, so I sent my custom-made stunt double to play my match."

"Right…" The regulars started to feel nervous.

"Oh my god," Oishi whispered, turning to the blob that had once been Horio, "guys, I think we messed up here."

"Yeah…." came the collective reply. The regulars, as one, began to back away from the groaning mass that was once a perfectly healthy boy. After another few steps, they turned and ran for their lives.

Horio groaned. "Owww……"

* * *

**AN: **Yeeahhh...It's pretty short, but I'll add things as I get inspiration. I'm really only doing this to lighten my mood after writing bits for Pillars of Support. Before anyone asks, I have no idea how many 'days' there will be in this fic. However, I will use any ideas that you guys suggest.

So, review and tell me what I did or didn't do wrong. See ya in the next chapter!


	2. Day 2

**AN:** Wow...this is definitely crack. Anyway, for the very few people that actually read this, I thank you. I would say I thank you from the bottom of my heart, but that's cliched and sounds somewhat....homo. Plus, that would be like the ass of my heart, and who would want to be thanked by an ass?

To the two people that reviewed: You two are probably two of my favorite people on this site. You actually read and review everything I write. THANK YOU!!!

So, yeah, this chapter is quite a bit longer than the first. Umm...I have no idea where these thoughts came from. Oh, there are two book series mentioned, or at least alluded to. If you catch them, I'd say "Good Job!" but they're rather obvious. Anyway, here's Day 2, enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **This is a standard disclaimer. You all know what it's purpose is.

* * *

**Day 2**

Inside the clubhouse, Horio and Katsuo were having a nice cup of tea. And a high-stakes game of poker. Oh yes, high stakes indeed.

The pot was currently $200 billion (AN: I have NO idea what that is in yen.).

And, of course, Katsuo just happened to have a royal straight flush. Yes, once again, it was absolutely NOT Horio's day.

"FUCK!" he screamed in rage. "That was all the money I made from selling drugs!"

The enraged freshman was about to brutally assault his fellow classmate when Kachirou rushed in, panting from exertion.

"HOLY SHIT! You guys have to fucking see this!"

And, with that, the infamous freshmen trio rushed off to who-knows-where for who-cares-how-long. But, in actuality, their destination was the court just outside the Seigaku clubhouse. Why were those two middle school boys in a boys' clubhouse? Not to mention the fact that it had showers and they were alone? Well, that has to do with a fascinating adventure the freshmen trio went on earlier that day. What was this adventure? You, my friend, are about to find out. Whether you want to or not.

* * *

10:00 A.M. that morning…

Kachirou cheered with joy as he unwrapped his chocolate bar. This was the last thing he could afford with the minimal pocket change he earned at a sweat shop, making several different types of frilly garments for puppies and whatnot.

And why was he cheering? As the wrapper revealed the pure, unadulterated goodness known as chocolate, there was also a gleam of gold. Kachirou removed the foil completely, only to reveal that he'd won one of the amazingly super-rare golden tickets. There were only 300 million in existence!

Now, to define this object known as a golden ticket. Golden tickets are made of extremely cheap paper painted with lead-based paint. Yes, lead-based paint on a ticket that comes in contact with chocolate. Chocolate that millions of naïve children ingest in ungodly amounts. Hmm…seems like someone wants to remove the latest generation. Oh well!

Anyway, these tickets normally indicate that some sort of reward or prize has been won by the buyer.

However, in Kachirou's case, the ticket said very plainly, in large, bold, 72-font:

**YOU FUCKING FAIL, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT. GO KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST ONE BIG EPIC FAIL. ACTUALLY, YOU AREN'T EVEN WORTHY OF AN EPIC FAIL…SO YOU JUST FAIL, LIKE THE LITTLE LOSER YOUR ARE. I HOPE YOU GET LEAD POISONING BECAUSE I HATE YOU SO, SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.**

To say Kachirou was underwhelmed would be an understatement. In fact, the little, mindless blob started weeping. But, he wasn't the type of crying child that makes you think, "Aww…poor kid, I should help him." No, he makes you think, "Who the hell gave birth to that little piece of shit? A whale-walrus mutant turtle-pig?"

But, at that moment, a rabbit wearing a sweater-vest, which of course is better than a sweater or a vest, hopped up to him and beat him into submission with a shovel. Oh, and before you ask, yes, there were other people around at the time. Why didn't they react? Because, no one cares about the loud, obnoxious boys of the freshmen trio. Also, there was a space-time bubble around the two, one that put them several minutes ahead of everyone else.

And that brings us to the next part of the amazing adventure.

* * *

Kachirou woke to find himself forcibly bound to a gigantic block of Swiss cheese. The bleary boy looked around. He saw both Katsuo and Horio tied to various other types of cheese. Katsuo to American, which isn't even really cheese. It's like a mix of leftover gunk at the bottom of the cheese tanks at real cheese factories. Horio, on the other hand, was strapped to one of those unpronounceable French cheeses that smell worse than…well, anything I can think of while I type this piece of crack. And, they were all inside a cell.

"Oh my fucking god!!!! What are you guys doing here?" Kachirou cried in consternation.

"I don't know," Katsuo said. "One second I was failing a chemistry test, and the next, a clown-bear-thing beat the hell out of me with a whisk."

"I know what you mean," Horio added, "I was about to beat Echizen in an English test-" when he received skeptically raised eyebrows, he glared, "-no, seriously, this was legit. Yeah, he was comatose in a hospital, but still. Anyway, an Irish kangaroo slugged me in the gut with brass knuckles, then repeatedly slapped my face with a wet noodle until I passed out from pain."

The other two just sweatdropped.

"So…where the FUCK are we?"

"Well," replied a voice, "I'd say you three were captives in this cell."

Not even bothering to find out who this mysterious person was, Kachirou went on. "Oh yeah, asshole, that's SO FUCKING HELPFUL. Where the HELL is this cell?"

"You don't have to yell," the voice returned, sounding hurt. "This cell is in the land of the leprechauns. It's several hundred miles away from some place called Narnia, and about a thirty minute train ride away from some freaky castle thing called Hog…Hogw…Hog-something."

"OH MY GOD! WE'RE IN AFRICA!" And, for that _intelligent_ comment, Horio was slapped in the back of the head…twice. Ooohh…snap!

"I take it the brown-haired kid isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed?" the voice asked. Two nods were his response.

"By the way," Katsuo interjected. He was BY FAR the calmest and most collected of the three. "Do you think you could come out of whatever shadows you're hiding in? It's a bit rude to talk to someone without letting them see your face."

"You know what? I don't think so."

Katsuo twitched. "And why not?"

"Because I don't feel like it."

Katsuo snapped. "GET THE FUCK OUT HERE, DAMN IT! I'VE HAD THE FUCK BEATEN OUT OF ME AND I DON'T WANT TO TAKE YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOW!"

Okay…maybe he wasn't so cool and collected. He just has a_ tiny_ bit more patience than the other two.

The aura of fury and hatred that radiated from the boy would have been enough to fell an elephant. Well, it would have in Japan, where things are normal…Well, normal in TeniPuri terms…

Here, however, it was converted into a warm, giddy feeling that made people smile. And so, the mysterious figure was instantly joyous and pranced into sight.

"I'm so happy right now!"

When the freshmen trio got a good look at the figure's face, they sweatdropped in unison.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!? TEZUKA-BUCHOU?"

And, indeed, it was Tezuka. The bespectacled brunette blinked and quickly returned to his stoic persona. However, this did little to heal the wounds to the young minds of the other three.

"Uh…I don't know this 'Tezuka' of whom you speak. Maybe you're just…having a crack/weed/meth induced dream…"

Of course, as he turned to the freshmen and said this, they had already fled at high speed.

* * *

Approximately thirty miles away, the trio stopped to take a breather.

"Guys, I really want to go back to Seigaku. It might be crazy, but this place is insane and seriously disturbing."

Kachirou nodded in agreement. "Yeah, but how the fuck do we get there?"

At that moment, the tree Horio was leaning against exploded. This, of course, filled the young, aspiring tennis player with many pieces of wooden shrapnel, more commonly known as freaking HUGE splinters.

"Gah! What the fuck was that?" he managed to gasp out. Then, he passed out.

The air seemed to rip open, revealing the face of Oishi.

"You two! Where the hell is Tezuka? I told him never to come back here. It seriously messes with his mind."

The freshmen just blinked, babbling in a nonsensical language. Horio remained silent.

"Horio! Answer me damn it!" Oishi screamed, kicking the boy in the ribs. Of course, because he was unconscious, Horio had no way to respond. And so, Kachirou and Katsuo watched as Seigaku's "mother-hen" beat the boy to within an inch of his life.

"Shouldn't we do something?" Katsuo asked nonchalantly.

"In a second. I just got a text from Ryoma. It says, 'Tezuka disappeared in a huge-ass light. Oishi followed him through a hole in the sky. Both are pissed at you three for not showing up at practice. By the way, when the FUCK did you and I get cell phones?'"

"What did you say?"

"I told him to 'make sure none of us left the sink running.' Do you know how much the water bill cost last time something like this happened?"

Katsuo sighed in resignation. Yes, everyone he knew was insane. Wait! That Ryuuzaki girl wasn't crazy. Her grandmother was evil, but the girl was perfectly normal…Oh wait, she was in love with Ryoma of all people. Nope, never mind, she's as crazy as the rest of them.

"Hey, Kachirou, since Oishi-senpai is busy, why don't we get back to Japan through that hole in the air?"

"Oh yeah, that's a GREAT idea," the other boy replied. "How the FUCK do you expect to use it? We're not like those psychotic regulars who have crazy and impossible superpowers."

"Dude, what the hell did I do to piss you off so badly?"

"…Nothing, but I'm angry just the same."

"…Do you want to talk about it?"

"What…the…FUCK?"

"Anyway, we should probably go through that hole thingy. It already goes to Seigaku, so it's not like we'll end up in some other dimension."

"True…Ah, what the hell, let's go!"

And so, the two rushed into the handy-dandy warp hole.

As it closed behind them, Oishi spun around to face the now empty…air.

"Damn it! That takes $50 to open each time. Gah…Oh, Tezuka! There you are."

Indeed, Seigaku's captain was there. His normal, stoic demeanor was back.

'YES!' Oishi thought, "He didn't go insane this time!'

"Okay, we should probably get back."

"Agreed." Tezuka glanced at the blob of flesh on the ground. "Can we leave him here?"

"Unfortunately, we'd be sued so hard that the school would close down."

This rather pointless conversation came to an end. Tezuka picked up Horio…or what was left of him…and Oishi made another gap in the space-time continuum. The two-and-a-half tennis players entered the space and disappeared.

* * *

And now, so this doesn't get as long as the chapters of my other story, I will summarize what happened when they got back to Seigaku.

Horio was instantly healthy upon landing on Japanese soil. It's his life blood. You know, like crack for celebrities. Anyway, he and Katsuo were forbidden to leave the clubhouse for the next three millennia. Kachirou would have been, too, but, to be honest, the regulars were a little afraid of him. Seriously, that kid was bat-shit loco. Everything else remained the same.

* * *

And, that brings us back to where this began.

The three rushed out of the clubhouse. As soon as the Horio and Katsuo did, an alarm went off. This told them that the Yakuza would arrive within the next business day. Give or take 6-8 weeks for delivery.

Anyway, what they saw amazed and astounded them.

Before them was a whirlpool-like thing in the ground that was glowing with neon pink light. Next to it was an enormous sign that read:

**PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR KINGDOM, KING HORIO. (BY THE WAY, IT'S THE LAND OF THE LEPRECHAUNS.)**

This stunned the three into near-unconsciousness. Then, Kachirou crushed Horio's skull.

"FUCK NO!!! IT'S MINE! ALL MINE!"

And, with that, the sign changed. It now said:

**COME BACK TO US, KING KACHIROU. PLEASE DON'T KILL US, THOUGH. THAT WOULD BE RATHER INCONVENIENT.**

So, the freshman jumped into the hole, never to be heard from again.

Katsuo just sighed. As he turned, he heard the tell-tale signs of the Yakuza. Facing 500+ fully armed people, he said:

"Anyone got an aspirin?"

* * *

**AN:** Okay, I haven't written anything in a while because of issues mentioned in my other story Pillars of Support and my profile. This was actually done like three days ago, but this site wouldn't let me upload ANYTHING. So, yeah, I won't be able to update very often on either story for another couple of weeks. Once the site I'm building is done, or mostly done, I'll have a helluva (Yes, I know it's not a word) lot more free time. Sorry again you guys!

Ok, the standard message. Tell me what's wrong with the story. And REVIEW...or else...I can't tell you what that "or else" is or I'd have to kill you. And that's a crime...which is bad...kinda...

See ya in the next chapter! (Which won't be for a while.)


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